YOUR MOM
Yeah, that bitch. Always nagging, reminding you to do this, clean up that, blah blah blaahh. If she's a "good" mom, she'll raise you to not raw dog and bail, huff, drink or gamble heavily, attend donkey shows, rent midgets to toss, do peyote during the workweek, be apathetic towards everything except TV and vagina...basically everything that's fun about life. Now it's a big fucking guilt trip when you are allegedly the father of 4 kids by 3 different mothers, none of whom know your real name. And while we're at it...
your dad gets condemned, too. This is the same asshole that comes home from work and the first thing he says is, "Not now," as he proceeds to down highball after highball to deaden the feeling of losing a life never lived. Want to hang out with your friends? Sure, after you mow the lawn, clean the gutters, and climb into the heavy bag for 3 minutes. Don't want to play catch? Too bad, you're acting like a faggot, so man up and put the leather on. And since we're on the subject...
your kids are the worst. "I want this new toy..." "Take me to Chuck'E'Cheese" "I need a real bed, not a cardboard box" "Please feed me, I'm so hungry!" and it never stops. Always take take take, never any give. Oh, and say goodbye to drinking before 8 in the morning, because you have to get them ready for "school." You probably stop having sex with your wife because you're both "sooo tired" from the kids, you both get fat, hate yourselves, and end up like the two asshats formerly mentioned in this post. Have fun.
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