Day 1 Of Tour: Total Sucess!

The Atlantic City show went incredibly. Almost 2,000 people showed up, and a lot of them left totally disappointed, which is what we usually shoot for. As a band we took home around $800, which is a pretty good haul, considering no one was charging at the door. This show really needed someone like Amit to run it properly, motherfucker were just waltzing in like it was free. The drinks were complimentary, which is the way it should be. They didn't have Bud Dry, which was a shame but we came prepared and had the BD waiting when we got back.

The tour podcast will be up when we get back, as well as pictures. For now, a few samples of what last nights show was like:

STREET BEEF.

Spring Tour Starts Today!

We're heading out on tour tonight, first hitting Atlantic City and then DC, and maybe Philly. 4/6th of the band can't make it, but Bud Dry Man and I picked up our friend Geoff to fill in on drums, bass, guitar and guitar. Here's a recent picture of him:
Should be a blast, hopefully the shows go alright and the Orenthal Army shows up and pits hard.

See you guys when we get back, email in your address so we can write postcards!

She's The One That's Hookin'! I Didn't Even Get My Suck-Off!

mikedikkwst: i missed the last thing you said, if it was important

mikedikkwst: i ws actually yelling at a prostitute. it was awesome

Sent at 11:14 AM on Friday

divefeetfirst518: AWESOME. tell me about it

mikedikkwst: well she already had a room her for a couple days

and like when i came in yesterday people were complaining about the noise from her room

and then she called during the day yesterday to ask if we could got some people out of her room, BUT not tell them she asked to get them out of the room.

and my manager said the only way they could do that is by callling the cops and she said not to do that.

so today when i came in the fat night lady told me she was propositioning the construction dudes staying here and that she needed to be out today no matter what.

so she came down here at like 1030 asking if she could stay another day and i was just like no way.

and then she asked if i had a copy of the rules and regulations and i was like i dont know id have to ask someone and then she said shed get it when she checked out.

so it comes time to check out and she's like do you have the rules and regulations

and im like "we dont have anything like that. i think we have a rulebook or something."

and she was like "Can i see that"

and i was like "why do you want to see that??"

and she wouldnt tell me so i just had my manager deal with it

and he was just like you cant stay here we got too many complaints and she was like fine.

and then she was waiting in the lobby and a minute later she was like "its your fault anyway"

and i say "MY fault??" indicating she meant me and not the hotel before i started to yell at her

and she was like "yeah you're the ony who let them come in"

and i just went off on her

at one point i asked if they has a magical hotel key that let them come in her room, and i wiggled my fingers around to mime magical farie dust

Sent at 11:22 AM on Friday

divefeetfirst518: hahaha wow. can i put that on the OJ blog

mikedikkwst: sure

Sent at 11:30 AM on Friday

Orenthal James Man of the Week

First Place: James Valentine Ogrin

If you don't know him, he's the best dude on the face of the planet in the history of the world. Eat it, Jesus! Yeah, you can walk on water, but are you this handsome? Can you shred as if Kirk Hammet, Eddie Van Halen, and Slash dumped all of there sperm into a petri dish to make one uber-rifftalicious test tube baby? No? You only have the hand of God on your side? Because Mr. Valentine doesn't make his guitar gently weep; he makes it scream like a masochist while at the same time begging for more.
It was JVO's birthday last Saturday, and I think the world should stand up and give him a round of applause. Or commit ritual suicide because this is as good as humanity gets, and the vast majority of us we'll never get there.

Second Place: Eliot Spitzer

(Thought bubble) "You know, I have a wife, kids, a pretty serious job in politics where I dictate state policy for millions upon millions of people. I'm seen almost nightly on the news, in the daily papers...I've been fairly successful in my life up to this point. But if I don't get some taut, young ass, I'm going to go fucking crazy. They never catch politicians hiring hookers, right?"
See, Spitzer gets it. He's totally devoted the OJ lifestyle. He threw everything he worked for away to hit some high-class tail. And by hit, I mean paid up the nose to rail a skank. Maybe this wasn't such a cool thing. It's above Eddie Murphy soliciting a dude, but below Clinton nailing an intern with a cigar (and getting away with it). As my friend Alex says, "Kids, if you work really hard, your fingers can smell like this."

Third Place: Shawn Kemp

I found this video in a Bill Simmons article about saving Seattle Supersonics basketball, and I realized I had forgotten how obnoxiously awesome The Reign Man was. He's possibly the most athletic power forward of all time, and a pretty sweet human to boot. He battled "Grandmama" Larry Johnson for the most bastard children in NBA history, some of whom are finally getting to the age where they can knock up a skirt and then bounce. Sadly, Shawn's precipitous weight gain in the late 90's brought an early end to his career. This begs the question, "How do you gain 60-80 pounds of fat in a year when you're a cokehead and your profession requires doing wind sprints for 48 minutes a day?"

3/9/08 Pictures

Some pictures of our set from the 1st annual United States National Defenders Of The Motherland Day. Much better pictures of the other bands can be found HERE(Mother Night), HERE(Celebrity Murders), HERE(Staring Problem), and HERE(Pulling Teeth).

Thanks to Joe for taking these, even though the only pictures he took of me are just when I was drinking.

Orenthal Endorsement #7

Achewood

It speaks for itself, but this is a personal favorite.

(click on it to see it bigger)
http://achewood.com

Orenthal Endorsement #6

DMX Calls It Like He Sees It

From an XXL interview:

Are you following the presidential race?
Not at all.

You’re not? You know there’s a Black guy running, Barack Obama and then there’s Hillary Clinton.
His name is Barack?!

Barack Obama, yeah.
Barack?!

Barack.
What the fuck is a Barack?! Barack Obama. Where he from, Africa?

Yeah, his dad is from Kenya.
Barack Obama?

Yeah.
What the fuck?! That ain’t no fuckin’ name, yo. That ain’t that nigga’s name. You can’t be serious. Barack Obama. Get the fuck outta here.

You’re telling me you haven’t heard about him before.
I ain’t really paying much attention.

I mean, it’s pretty big if a Black…
Wow, Barack! The nigga’s name is Barack. Barack? Nigga named Barack Obama. What the fuck, man?! Is he serious? That ain’t his fuckin’ name. Ima tell this nigga when I see him, “Stop that bullshit. Stop that bullshit” [laughs] “That ain’t your fuckin’ name.” Your momma ain’t name you no damn Barack.

So you’re not following the race. You can’t vote right?
Nope.

Orenthal Endorsement #5

New Zealand Scientists!

There was an article in the March 4th New York Times Science section about a variety of studies on human behavior related to drinking in excess (also known as "drinking" to you and I). Most of it was sort of bland, just talking about how different cultures have different ways of outwardly displaying drunkenness and so forth.

But what caught my eye was that a group of scientists in New Zealand "conducted extensive interviews with teenage girls who associate drinking with uninhibited behavior..."

So basically they got paid to do what I try to do every goddamned weekend. Well, not strictly teenage girls. Just girls and ladies of all ages. So what I'm getting around to endorsing is the notion of science that can be practiced at 3am in some shitty bar, by someone no more educated in the ways of quarks and electrons than I am. And it's the kind of science that can end up with two people making some awesomely poor decisions.


NOW THATS SCIENCE.

First Annual USNDM Day Recap!

Arrived in New Brunswick around 3pm, swung by Casa De Doktor to pickup the Bud Dry, then over to the House of Boring for our bi-monthly band practice. Ordered Ta-Ta's for a little NB comfort food ("Hey Bud...") and then headed over to the show.

The Junkyard Palace is located conveniently a block away from Patrick's, which I ducked into periodically throughout the night, which was especially comforting during the Brazilian jug and washboard guitar band, or whatever the fuck that turned out to be.

After "tuning up" and getting the mic situation resolved, we played. The general consensus was that it was pretty alright, kids pitted pretty hard at various times which was awesome. The set list was as follows:

Jammin' With The Fellas/Vocal Test*
Me, Jack Daniels And Jim Beam
Manhole Inspector
Girl In The Gingham Dress
I'm Packin'
We Gotta Know** (cocktease)/Homo-Sexual***
Texas On A Saturday Night****
Honkeytonky 2000

*Vocal Test originally performed by Integrity
**We Gotta Know (cocktease intro) originally performed by the Cro-Mags
***Homo-Sexual originally performed by the Angry Samoans
****lyrics by Tex Hooper

We played way better than the first show, and I remember AT LEAST 75% of the set, and the missing 25% can be attributed to my generally horrible memory rather than blacking out like the first show. And I was able to show up to work Monday without any new cuts, black eyes, or general damage. Which is a plus, I suppose, despite the fact that I feel like I wasted a weekend.

We also moved a lot of units, as they say in the biz. Though I should clarify, the demo's were free and we only had like 20 or 30 of them. But regardless, I'm pretty happy that people were at least interested enough to take free shit. AND I didn't find a single one thrown on the ground after the show.

Only major bummer was I was unable to follow through on the promises of Roulette and Blackjack, but there just wasn't room anywhere to set up either. That can be credited to the place being PACKED, which is awesome. Seriously, tons of credit to Amit for getting an awesome show together and running it well, and also to whoever lives there. But next time I PROMISE there will be plenty of gambling for all.

Scratch that: OTHER only major bummer was our 6th man not being present. Bud Dry Man had family stuff to attend to, so he couldn't be there. So if we weren't as good as we should have been or could have been, it can be attributed to the fact that we were down a man, so come check us out next time as a full six piece. Doktor DID come through with the Bud Dry though, so he retains his title without any huge losses. We'll have to bump our next re-up to three 30 racks though, as the two we had were gone by the end of our set.

And further apologies to anyone (?) who cared that we were going to have those Munson shirts, they didn't get finished in time, though that actually wasn't our fault for once. We'll have them for the next time.

Mother Night were awesome. I'm not sure that I've ever actually said this before "publicly" but I'd gotten their demo for review years ago when I did reviews for Bystander Fanzine, and I wasn't that into it. And then I hadn't heard anything from them since, so when I found out I was going to be living with a bunch of them in New Brunswick last year, I was sort of like "oh man, this is going to be one of those things where I have to pretend to like my roomates' band so it's not awkward." Then they played some show I was at @75 Louis and I was shocked because they were awesome, a hundred times better than I remembered from the demo. I remember telling Steve how pumped I was that not only did they not suck, but that they ruled. I've probably seen them a dozen plus times since then, and this show was easily one of the best. Someone on the Jersey board said something along the lines of that one of the reasons they rule so much live is that EVERY dude in the band just annihilates his instrument, and it's rare you see a band where all of the members are just super intense, and not in the "angry face for the cameraz" way, in the genuinely intense way.

Uh, so yeah, they were great.

Celebrity Murders were next, and they've been one of my favorite bands since I got the demo at some show in Albany a couple years ago. The demo was good and all, but Time To Kill Space just blew it out of the water. A totally punishing record from the second the sound clip at the beginning of Proxy Violence ends. I've seen them a bunch of times but they always sound best in smaller spaces where they're loud enough to just fill the room and totally obliterate. They played a few new songs that sounded awesome too, so hopefully whatever those songs are from comes out soon.

The aforementioned Brazilian band played next, and I spent their set at Patrick's. The best description of their set was "They tuned for 30 minutes and then Staring Problem played." So I feel pretty confident I made the right choice.

Embarrassingly enough I've slept on Staring Problem for way too long, until a week ago friday when I made a last minute decision to head down to the Asbury Lanes for their record release show. And thank fucking god I did go, because they were just totally awesome that night. A great mix of sorta 90's styled breakdowns with that early 80's California guitar sound that a lot of Jersey Shore bands seem to have. At least to my non-heathen-state ears. They were great again Sunday, and anyone who hasn't picked up their new LP "You'll Always Be Sick" definitely should.

Pulling Teeth played last, and while they were sweet, it wasn't the best I've seen them. The last time they played NB was better, in my humble opinion. But it could be partially due to the fact that I was sorta spent by the time they played. And besides, Pulling Teeth at 75% awesome are still better than most bands going. Pissed that I forgot AGAIN to buy the stupid LP, so now I'll probably just order it and kick myself for having to pay shipping.

Great show though, one of the most fun I've ever been too much less one I've ever played, with any band I've been in. Thanks to everyone who came and everyone who played.

I have a few pictures of our set I'm going to put up when I get home, but this dude took some awesome pictures of Mother Night, Staring Problem, Celebrity Murders and Pulling Teeth that can be found HERE.

SUNDAY!

Hey, so you likea da blackjack?

And you likea da roulette?

And you likea da beer?




Well, as mentioned, this Sunday is the first annual:

Which coincides with:

And there will be all of the above, along with some posters and bullshit. Oh, and we're playing with four fucking incredible bands. If you need to be swayed further, check out the following:

PULLING TEETH
CELEBRITY MURDERS
STARING PROBLEM
MOTHER NIGHT

And here's our DEMO, we'll be playing all of it plus a new song and some, uh, other shit.

Lastly, tomorrow night in Brooklyn, this will rule, fucking Deathcycle!
Suffice to say it's going to be a great weekend.

If you need an address for the show Sunday, email: mothernightnj@gmail.com for directions, or myspace message Mother Night or us.

Lets get shitty.

Orenthal Endorsement #4

Being Single

This dovetails nicely with my earlier condemnation. Seriously, fuck having a girlfriend, or a family, or any meaningful relationships. They just take up your time and sap any semblance of freedom from your daily routine. Look at me: I've been single for god knows how long, but I can blog whenever I want, get blackout drunk all the time, hit on random, unappealing women, and watch re-runs of "Monk" without anyone getting up in my grill about it. Except JQP, who won't admit that the show is both suspenseful AND funny. Girlfriends (or boyfriends, if you read this blog and are somehow either gay or female or both, actually) are the worst offenders of harshing the Orenthal Lifestyle and thus being single receives my endorsement, though perhaps not the endorsement of those in the army that are going steady with a significant other.

Orenthal James Endorsement #3

J.K. Livin Clothing Line

Matthew McConaughey started his own clothing line, "j.k.livin", which is short for his motto: "JUST KEEP LIVIN."

"That's livin without a 'g', because life is not a verb."

If it wasn't painfully obvious by now how awesome McConaughey is, this cements it. I'm planning on buying stock in this new venture, as well as the entire summer line.

His website, http://www.matthewmcconaughey.com/ , is pretty incredible as well.

And for further MM talk, check out the most recent review on my movie blog, YOU BABY GORILLA.

Orenthal Condemnation #2

YOUR MOM

Yeah, that bitch. Always nagging, reminding you to do this, clean up that, blah blah blaahh. If she's a "good" mom, she'll raise you to not raw dog and bail, huff, drink or gamble heavily, attend donkey shows, rent midgets to toss, do peyote during the workweek, be apathetic towards everything except TV and vagina...basically everything that's fun about life. Now it's a big fucking guilt trip when you are allegedly the father of 4 kids by 3 different mothers, none of whom know your real name. And while we're at it...


your dad gets condemned, too. This is the same asshole that comes home from work and the first thing he says is, "Not now," as he proceeds to down highball after highball to deaden the feeling of losing a life never lived. Want to hang out with your friends? Sure, after you mow the lawn, clean the gutters, and climb into the heavy bag for 3 minutes. Don't want to play catch? Too bad, you're acting like a faggot, so man up and put the leather on. And since we're on the subject...


your kids are the worst. "I want this new toy..." "Take me to Chuck'E'Cheese" "I need a real bed, not a cardboard box" "Please feed me, I'm so hungry!" and it never stops. Always take take take, never any give. Oh, and say goodbye to drinking before 8 in the morning, because you have to get them ready for "school." You probably stop having sex with your wife because you're both "sooo tired" from the kids, you both get fat, hate yourselves, and end up like the two asshats formerly mentioned in this post. Have fun.

Since I ripped it for some dude on a messageboard:

Inside Out-Live at the Antrhax, 6/15/90

Free Demo Download

Since it's already on the second page, I thought I'd post the demo again. By all means rip it from here, it's all free and shit, and I'll post the artwork/lyrics as well. If you want a physical copy, tape or CD, paypal a buck for shipping to: grossnation@gmail.com. (And send a quick email with your address to sawyer.williams@gmail.com because I don't check the grossnation account as frequently.)

FREE DEMO DOWNLOAD

ARTWORK/LYRICS

and add the stupid fucking myspace THANKS.

I LOOK AROUND ME, WHAT DO I SEE...

Debate for 3/9 settled.

(Un-Embeddable, sorry.)

http://youtube.com/watch?v=OymsTdTmT_4

United States National Defenders Of The Motherland Day

In the former Soviet Union and currently in Russia, every February 23rd is National Defenders Of The Motherland Day. "On 23 February, Russia honors those who are presently serving in the Armed Forces and those who have served in the past. During the era of the Soviet Union, it was called "Red Army Day" or the "Day of the Soviet Army and Navy" (celebrating the day of the first mass draft of the Red Army in Petrograd and Moscow or of the first combat action against the occupying German forces)."

Orenthal James has no particular interest in celebrating the Russian army or the United States army or any army other than the OJA. We do, however have a vested interest in maintaining, promoting and celebrating the Orenthal James lifestyle. That is our motherland. However any of us feel about this country or any other is moot because the lifestyle is an overreaching and border jumping entity.

March the 9th will be the first celebration of The United States National Defenders Of The Motherland celebration.

More to come on the festivities as the date approaches.